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Ninja Cheerleaders

A ninja sensei Hiroshi (George Takei) must be rescued by his three cheerleader/stripper students April (Ginny Weirick), Courtney (Trishelle Cannatella) and Monica (Maitland McConnell) from a mafia boss Victor Lazzaro (Michael Paré) and his evil ninja girlfriend Kinji (Natasha Chang).

Ninja Cheerleaders

April, Monica and Courtney are three intelligent high-school girls who have intentions of going to Brown. They are also ninjas who work for the kindly old sensei Hiroshi. They moonlight as Go-Go dancers in Hiroshi's own club. Yeah.

The bad guy is one Victor Lazarro, a mobster who has just recently been paroled. See, Hiroshi bought the strip club from the IRS, who took it from Lazarro when he was convicted, and now he wants it back. To that end, he hires his girlfriend Kinji, a "dark ninja", to dispose of the three ninja cheerleaders and ensure that the deed to the club is signed over to him.

  • This movie contains examples of: Ass Shove: April threatens to do this to Jimmy the Snitch with a garden hose.

  • Avoid the Dreaded G Rating: A very bizarre example, in that while there's violence and the main characters work as go-go dancers, there's no sex or cussing, so the IdiosyncraticWipes were added, as well as a scene with naked women.

  • Badass Bookworm: The girls, although Manny may also count. All four of them are shown to argue about how great Napoleon really was.

  • Bond One-Liner: Hiroshi mixes this with Pre-Mortem One-Liner after shooting LazarroLazarro: I thought you Ninjas weren't supposed to use guns Hiroshi: Ah, but I am old, and I forget the rules sometimes.

  • Dirty Old Man: Red, the girls' coach. He's cute, in a "lock-your-doors, mace-in-hand, don't-be-alone-with-him" kind of way, and while none of the girls do anything to him, he gets slammed into a locker anyway.

  • Does Not Like Men: Implied with April. The only men she interacts with that don't die, get injured or cop it where it hurts are Det. Harris (who's only shown interacting with them in a professional capacity), Red (hurt by someone else), Hiroshi (their sensei), Manny (an intelligent bouncer) and Victor Lazarro (the baddie). Her Groin Attack is a supremely painful one, and she makes disparaging remarks about Courtney's stepfather.

  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The main characters are cheerleaders who are also ninjas.

  • Framing Device: The movie is shown to us as the three cheerleaders' statement to the police.

  • Genius Bruiser: Manny could be construed as such: his first scene involves him arguing about whether or not Alexander was better than Napoleon.

  • Highly-Visible Ninja: Kinji is the only ninja who averts this.

  • Idiosyncratic Wipe: The wipes are all montages that include one of the main characters, a ninja and a stripper dancing topless.

  • Karma Houdini: Al again. Courtney refuses to harm him.

  • No Name Given: Aside from Victor and Jimmy "The Snitch" Lazarro, nobody else has a full name revealed.

  • Obfuscating Stupidity: The three put on a "ditz" act to try to deter Det. Harris.

  • Third-Person Person: Kinji, when explaining how fast Kinji is.

  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Jimmy disappears from the movie after being stuffed into the trunk.)

But first we got to pad the film with lots of shots of the girls dressed as cheerleaders at a basketball game! Pad pad pad, like bras on prom night. Why even have an excuse to have them in cheerleader clothes, just have them dress that way for no reason! It would be easier. They beat up some thugs and get info on where Hiroshi is held, but Kinji comes in, speaks in third person, and crossbows Detective Harris in the shoulder. The three hero girls vanish. How brave.

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: cheerleaders, David Presley, George Takei, Ginny Weirick, gogo girls, Larry Poindexter, Maitland McConnell, Michael Paré, Natasha Chang, ninjas, swordfighting, Trishelle Cannatella, Women who kick butt

The kicks and twists come fast in this wild comedy about three lovely community college cheerleaders and martial arts crime fighters who must rescue their sensei from crooks and still keep their GPA high enough to transfer into an Ivy League school.

3 college cheerleaders use their martial arts know-how to save their Sensei from mafia kidnappers, but must keep their extra curricular activities a secret in order to make it into an Ivy League school.

Three cheerleader ninjas must protect their master/pimp/boss from the mob while earning enough money to go to an ivy league school. Doesn't quite pay off on the premise but there is an attempt. Not good but not torture either.

Three college cheerleaders (and after-school go-go dancers) use their martial arts skills to save their Sensei from mafia kidnappers, but must keep their extracurricular activities a secret to realize their Ivy League dreams at Brown. 041b061a72


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